A Vow to Ecstatic Joy

My north star is to embody and express the ecstatic nature of life.

I'm writing to you at the end of a fabulous two-week vacation. We soaked up beach time, shared a Lughnasadh ritual, sat by the campfire, hung out in coffee shops, stayed in an awesome Airbnb, hiked a rock glen, shopped in a cool vintage store, and somehow managed to fit in eight photo shoots. Plus, I got a great haircut!

After I had my haircut, I looked in the mirror and recognized myself. I felt like I truly came home to myself for the first time in over a decade. It’s hard to describe how it feels to see yourself as you are inside on the outside, but that’s how I felt after getting my hair cut; like I was coming back to a part of me I’d forgotten and left along the way. 

That feeling brought me straight back to my North Star:

To embody and express the ecstatic nature of life.

Not someday. Not when I am “ready.” Here. Now. 

I can only follow my North Star in the body I have, by belonging to myself as I am and loving myself fiercely.

As my wife, Stacy Maskell, says, “It takes up a lot of rent, a lot of space, hating yourself.”

That is not a rent I am willing to pay anymore.

This moment I am sharing was a moment of pure joy. And I am beginning to see that part of my mission in life, as a queer disABLED person in the world, is to share radical embodied joy.

The body I have is one the world often marginalizes, and I need to see more representation and be part of that representation. I need to see people who look like me living and loving life with ecstatic joy. And maybe you do too.

So here is my vow: To keep choosing ecstatic joy as a prayer of radical resistance. As a reminder that we belong. 

As you read this, I hope you find a spark of joy. The kind that belongs to you, no matter what anyone else thinks.

If this resonated with you, I would love for you to hit reply and share a moment of joy or pass this on to someone who might need this reminder today.