Being Yourself

The truth is I’ve been afraid to be myself for most of my life. It is the big lesson I believe I came here to learn. And so far it’s been never-ending.

I read a post I wrote 2.5 years ago as part of the Priestess Journey Series! In it, I shared I am a recovering people pleaser, rebel, anthropologist, shaman, and wounded healer. Today I would add: a quiet leader consciously choosing to live in the light.

There are also many things I’m not that I imagine people want me to be (…and let’s face it sometimes people just come right out and tell you who they want you to be).

And then that old people-pleasing inner critic comes back and tells me I should change. But the cost is too high, and I know that now. Or at least I’m trying to remember. This stuff, being yourself, it just hasn’t been easy in my experience.

I literally had to stand at the edge of the abyss of burnout before I realized I needed to let go of what other people wanted from me. I needed to realize I am worthy just as I am. And so are you.

And I wonder why these things still feel edgy to share. I wonder why I still feel that fear in my stomach every time I say these things. You know?

As I’ve sat with old stuff, old griefs, old fears in my stomach, I’ve made commitments to be myself. Over and over again.

My queer, fat, drumming, tarot reading, Goddess-loving, tea drinking, red lipstick wearing, priestess self.

In all my contradictions and all of my soft wildness.

I commit to trusting that no matter what happens–because I cannot ever know what will happen–that I will believe in myself enough to know that I will be okay.