My partner Stacy is coming up to her 7-year celebration for her sobriety in a few weeks. When we met I knew she was an alcoholic. Often people will come to me and say how wonderful I am for sticking by her during that last phase of hitting bottom. And I’m here to say I was not wonderful. I was pissed off and lost and confused and I felt alone.
Tonight we went to see A Star is Born, and for the first time, I saw my story in a movie (I mean not the rock star part but the rest). We’ve had many of those moments and worse. This is what addiction and depression can look like and I am grateful that so many are seeing this film.
After the movie, she cried and told me she was sorry for all she put me through. There was nothing to forgive. I forgave her a long time ago.
I told her that we are lucky. We survived when many wouldn’t have in our situations. I told her that I’m grateful to have been through what we’ve been through because it cracked open my heart and made me see my humanness. This is where compassion is born.
I told her that when I met her I also knew she had a good heart. I could see she was funny and kind, and generous and loving. If you know her, you know what I’m talking about.
And if you ever have any questions you’re afraid to ask about addiction, mental health, or even about what it’s like to be queer, I will do my best with the time and resources I have. I cannot speak for everyone and I am not a qualified mental health practitioner but I can share my experiences with you and listen. It’s the least I can do.
And if you’re reading this and struggling reach out. Let someone know what support you need. You are not alone and you deserve all the love in the world!